yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize