Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
