Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Actions speak louder than pants.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
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