Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
