Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
