he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
