I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
