Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I believe in your delicious
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
