My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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