You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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