girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
