rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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