you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
