I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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