I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize