He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Randomize
