The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
