My brain says no but my pants say off.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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