A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
