just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
