This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
