laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I think pants incapable of making pants work
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