He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize