apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
