I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
