yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
