At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
