i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
