Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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