ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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