I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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