Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize