office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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