We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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