I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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