ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
