i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
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