WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Randomize
