I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
my shit smells like andre
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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