Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I pour the whiskey from now on
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
