i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
