This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
