I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
