I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
