There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
