yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Dick very happy bro
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
