I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
