dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
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