i think i have two assholes
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
