I'm gonna have a badass scar
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
