I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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