Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
