his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
