it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
