you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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