I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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