when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize