I am puke
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
