The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
