You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
