last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
