put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
