When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
