I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
