I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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