Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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