Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
