Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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