4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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